Spark of Synapses

Κανείς δεν μου είπε σαν μεγάλωνα πως ψέματα θα έβρισκε μονάχα η ψυχή μου. Ονειρευτικά έναν κόσμο ουτοπικό. Έναν κόσμο γεμάτο αγάπη και ελπίδα. Κανέναν δεν τον νοιάζει πια. Όλοι έχουν δεχτεί πως ο κόσμος "έτσι είναι", και απλά τον διαβαίνουν δίχως ερωτήσεις. Γεμάτοι με συμφέροντα. Δεν είναι πως δεν έχω μεγαλώσει. Έχω ήδη μάθει και πάθει πολλά. Αυτό δεν σημαίνει πως έχω μάθει να το αντιμετωπίζω. Πόσο μάλλον να το δέχομαι. Και ας με πουν ιδεαλίστρια και ονειροπόλα. Θέλω να ζήσω σε έναν κόσμο δίχως συμφέροντα και διχασμούς. Δίχως σύνορα και θρησκείες να μας χωρίζουν. Δίχως κομματικά και στιβαρά πιστεύω που σου κλείνουν τα μάτια. Θέλω αλλαγές! Θέλω καλοσύνη. Θέλω να λέω σε όλο τον κόσμο καλημέρα και να το εννοώ όσο σκατά και αν είναι η δικιά μου. Θέλω να μπορώ να στηριχτώ σε έναν συνάνθρωπο μου χωρίς αυτός να με παρατήσει για το δικό του καλό. Και να μπορώ να κάνω και εγώ το ίδιο. Να αγαπάω πραγματικά χωρίς να ζητάω κάτι. Τόσο πολύ που έστω και αν κάτι με πληγώνει να με διακ

You look at the mirror and all you see are the faults. The faults that others supposedly love. What is there to love when the soul is shallow of human inadequacy? You try to look at yourself from the inside. The corrosion is too much. It is not worth fixing. You should try to buy a new self. People leave you. Bleeding. They don´t care. It makes them happier. You resent that. How can they actually do something to make themselves happy? Can´t they see that they are as destroyed as you are? You never choose consciously or subconsciously something to make you feel better. That would be too selfish. You destroy what does make you feel better. The future is just repetition of you carrying yourself through the same dark paths. Not much to see there. Black. Absence of colour. Absence of them. Absence of him. Absence of you.

My dear,loving and compassionate human being, I'm filled with pain. A heart wrecking, menacing, skin shredding pain. Is the world hurting me or am I hurting myself? See, the mind is such an interesting thing. Mysterious! Glorious! Unknown. Am I the victim or am I the victimizer? Am I the one who is actually holding the knife? I can't EVER really know the answer, can I? I've been trying to figure this out for so long and it just keeps backfiring. They say that the subconscious can be programmed to defend itself against any change! In a way its the anti-virus system, when change is the virus. So what am I really doing? Are these things actually happening? Am I in control of ANY of it? Is it just my subconscious and my brain that dictates my experiences? And if thats true how the hell am I supposed to know that what I choose to decide is based on the correct data? Am I supposed to decide something else except the way I perceive the world? Or does it stop to that?

Schizophrenia..

An earth made of dreams. People made of stone. Apathy, ignorance, self-obsession. We are slowly dying inside. We kill ourselves bit by bit. We alienate others around us. They don't matter. We are the only substance. A cruel world. Silencing the difference. Stabbing the change in the back. Crazy you call it!! This reality is all we have. Never out of the boundaries. Seldomly out of ourselves. Limits all around us. We secretly long for the materialistic world to consume us, the way we consume it. We crave for the attention of the earth, of the beyond, of the unknown. We have forgotten the love, the empathy, the respect, the inner power, the soul. Breathing is not a conscious act. Touch your hand. Slowly caress the skin on your palm, your fingers. Feel the heat running through every part of the skin you touch. You are alive. Whatever the outcome, whatever the struggle, how you see the world is up to you. Your own choice. Believe that. Touch with your consciousnes

Plasmatic reality and structural imagination, wherever, whatever, whoever unlimited fascination.. Neuronal decisions and plastic imitations, mental barriers and social alienation.. Break the spell, your soul is your creation..

We all use these words. These made up words to describe feelings and objects and colours. But are they real? Isn't there any other form of communication that doesn't divide people further? I am writing now using the words that better suit me, that describe what I feel, the I being the operative word. I know these are the words that I want to use because through my own experiences, these have been the best ones to describe certain things. But is it the same for you? How can we be sure? Someone might say that he saw a flower in a dry field. He might even say it was red, with oval petals, and a dark rounded centre. He might say that it smelled like something fresh, with a hint of rose and a hint of lemon. Still you, me, this certain someone, we would experience this flower in a different way. I am complicating things now by trying to describe how words have become my enemy lately by writing a bunch of them down. Ironic.

In the quest for your true self it is not rare to get lost. Lost within your ego, lost within the self, lost within the thoughts, lost within the feelings. I walk a path unknown. Not to man. Not to the universe. Unknown to myself. Walking blindfolded on a rocky terrain. The path has not been carved into the earth by anyone. I, myself, am sculpting my way through it. A wondrous path, a difficult one. A path filled with the energies of entities lost and found. A path of spirits in the mist. I will not get through it unscathed. I like that. I enjoy the scars that make the psyche grow brighter. It has been said before and I repeat it faithfully. ''It is the journey that is important''. In this quest of happiness, the things that sadden you are not few. When you open your eyes to the imposed cruelty of man to self, nature and others, it gets cold and lonely.  In this fight for compassion, kindness, universality and oneness it is easy to get hurt. A battle of the mind has st

As the leaves now fall into your path, make sure to enjoy your multicoloured carpet. Each turn, a new shade of colour. Open your eyes to the change. Open up your heart to the change. Breathe it in. The nature, the knowledge, the mind, the psyche, the consciousness, the self. All one. Wake up into a new dream. Breathe it in, and let this fall be a start with all the shades of colours.

What is the truth? Have you taken a deep breath lately and actually wondered what it is? It seems to me that all we do is hurry. Hurry through our everyday routine, hurry through our life, without taking a moment to ponder the very fundamentals that make our life worthwhile. Why is it that we've lost this curiosity, this excitement and this thirst for knowledge? We have ceased to ask questions. What, why, who, where. These answers have been given to us from an early stage in our life. But have we searched and researched about them? Or have we accepted them as a universal truth? Is there truth? Or is it merely a subjective matter that is different for each and everyone of us? Philosophers have spent their entire lives on researching and making up theories about these things. And yet, we get born, we go to schools and we take these things for granted. These things that cannot be proven in a scientific way. The only real reference is yourself and again, you dont even question who

Sleepless.  Sand is covering your body.  The sun crisps your milky skin.  A kiss. What a kiss! -All things end..Just wait.  Another kiss! A glorious morning..! The sun bathes you in.. In.. In.. -end.no.end.NO! You jump!!! Flash! Crash! Laughter! The coolness of the waves. The cave, the heart, the name, the pain, the loss, the highs, the music, the love, the friendship, the pain, the loss... the end.. 

Heart beats erratically. Thoughts travel at lights' speed. No control. Eminent loss. Strategic pain. Imaginary salvation. Hopeless hope. Inability to heal the sufferers' cancer. Strength! Power! Thoughts! Bang! -On the floor. Hands on walls. Knees that tremble. You're up. Darkness. Change. Pressure! Your heart beats erratically. Emotions have no thoughts. No rationality. No control. -Fear. Light. Joy. Fear. Destruction. Fear! Possibility. A smile.

One of those years I guess. To narrow it down to a day, a week, a month would be a mistake. You in a course to find the universe and the universe keeps throwing stars and planets below the belt. An illusion you've managed to keep close for some time now, but you can feel it running away this time. Running towards the true light and leaving you in fading memories of a once ablaze world of sensations and possibilities. You carry the world in your head, you control everything that is happening around you, yet you haven't put yourself on the map of rightful existence. You linger like a ghost in other people's happiness and sadness unable to choose what you feel or want. You linger in your thoughts that lie about being your own. Lost. It rips out your heart, it jumps on it till it's one with the mud. It rips out your brain and untangles your neurons to create the noose that binds your smile from breathing. Finally, it rips out your eyes. For after you have witnessed your